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I have been friends for more than 20 years, a person who's overcome many challenges, which I admire. However, she's repeatedly caught off guard by people. Her spouse left her, which came as an unexpected event. A lot of close acquaintances disappeared at that point, because they seemed only interested in her husband. This surprised her deeply. She put in increased attention in our friendship, likely realised better the meaning of companionship.

The Pattern of Disappearance

Over the years, several close to her have drifted apart and she isn't knowing the cause. The company she worked for turned on her, even though she had been highly competent, and she left unaware of the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

Lately, we have each stepped back from work leading to more frequent meetups, but I am finding the part I play in our friendship feels one-sided. I introduce discussion points only for her to redirect conversation onto things she cares about. In terms of politics, she has firm beliefs. I attempt to suggest verifying facts or other angles.

She's been arranging a holiday to a nation I've visited repeatedly and lived in for a while. I tried to provide advice, but this was met with resistance. She purely just desired validation of her decisions. I have ended 30 days there and she wants to meet, but I don't.

Evaluating the Situation

I am unwilling to be a friend who abandons suddenly abruptly, but I don't think she'll truly grasp the impact of her actions on my self-esteem. At this point, I find myself in distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Potential Solutions

You could cut and run, but it is not often the peaceful resolution that we desire. However, addressing it with a view to working things out demands strength and willingness from both people.

Professional advice indicates using a effective method for resolving disputes:

"The first step requires explaining how things go during your discussions. Aim for this to be objective and clear and essentially exactly what occurs. Next is to tell her how it affects you emotionally. Ideally, there's no disagreement on this point. Emotions are valid, after all. Step three involves requesting how the two of you going to change the pattern of your friendship."

Remember your friend holds perspectives, thus requiring you to be prepared to listen to her. A helpful technique is telling to the other person:

"Now you talk while I will remain silent for a set time."

It's wildly successful for promoting better communication.

Key Takeaways

This person could ignore everything, for those who hold onto a “survival narrative”: they maintain a narrative about themselves they cannot release since their identity depends upon it and it represents they've known. It's tough when there seems no clear path here, mere obstacles. But she may start out like this before reflecting on your words. And even if you never reach an agreement, it provides satisfaction from having been honest with her.